When my husband tells me we need to go to Home Depot I pretend I don't hear him. If that fails I fake a headache...although I've over played that card for other requests. And hiding doesn't work because I do that with the dogs and he knows all my hiding spots...
"Come on lets go to Home Depot."
"What's my reward if I go with you?"
"Lunch and a toilet seat."
Lunch sounds good and I have been mentioning, on more than one occasion, the need for a new toilet seat.
You need to replace a toilet seat when the paint is chipping off or if the seat is very loose.... both of which....is the case on this particular seat. I can't figure out why the paint is chipping off...and.. I don't want to think or ask him about that.
And what makes a seat loose? Sitting down or standing up too fast?... Or sitting down and sliding back and forth? Hhhmmmmmm. What I do know is.. it is dangerous to sit on this cheap ride in the middle of the night after two glasses of wine.... damn near killed myself....
And I told him before, "You are going to sit your bare ass down one day and that seat is going to slide off and land on the floor with YOU on it. I have visions of you hitting your head and knocking yourself out cold.... Then I have visions of ME calling for help.... Your pants will be wrapped around your ankles when the paramedics walk in.
Good reasons to go to Home Depot.
I took the plastic dome thing that covers the screw at the base of the toilet...washed it...and put it in my purse. There must be many shades of beige and I want it to match. Then I told him to measure the seat....
"Measure the seat???? What for???"
"Why measure????? Because I hate toilets with a seat that is too small?"
"When did you see that?"
Fuck...I am thinking... "I don't remember where I saw that... I just know I did."
Home Depot has their toilet seats HANGING on a wall and a limited selection of beige. By each seat is displayed the length. 17 1/2"...17 3/4"...18 1/2" ....
I lifted some of the lids and one seat had a HOLE so small...I have no idea who would sit on it. I know for a fact...my ass is bigger than that. How do you aim?
I said,"Look at this one..the hole is really small...do you think you could sit on that???"
"Well" he said, "it would be kind of hard cause the seat is hanging on the wall."
We started laughing so hard...I almost peed my pants.
"What is the measurement we need?"
He says..."17...17 1/2.... we're in the ballpark here...or 18..."
I said,"Screw that...we have to get it right... it has to be perfect."
A young sales girl walked up and I asked her..."How do you measure a toilet seat?"
She said, "From the bolt to the front edge of the toilet."
I looked at him and said...."How did YOU measure?"
"I don't remember. But get that thing out of your purse and lets match the color."
"Even if they have the color....We don't know the size."
He looked at me and said..."Lets go to lunch."
3 comments:
remember when rita farted in the bathtub at Home Depot thinking she was hiding it and instead it echoed thru the store? lol!
Oh, man - I can relate. In India, we had a toilet seat that kept getting loose. We both blamed it on eachother. Then one day, while I was sitting on it, it came off and I almost fell on the floor with my pants around my ankles! I finally came to the conclusion that my husband was sitting a bit sideways/angled towards the door, and this was putting strain on the screws as it made the seat go to the side a bit...
Yes...I do remember... LOL
Rita and her husband Tom went to Home Depot. He left her on the aisle with the fiberglass bathtubs and went to the next aisle. Rita had her back very close to the tubs and farted really loud. It echoed..... Tom heard her on the next aisle and yelled out, "RITA IS THAT YOU?"
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